You Don’t Need to Rewrite the Past

Instead of sharing something I wrote, I wanted to pass along a short post that Kris, one of the brothers from our May retreat, recently shared in our group chat.

When I first met Kris, my impression was that he was a gentle giant. He was quiet, reserved, and seemed more comfortable taking everything in than putting himself out there. But as the week went on, I watched something begin to shift.

The more Kris started letting go of some of the old stories he had carried about himself, the more you could see him beginning to own who he actually was. Not trying to become someone else, and not performing for the group. Just becoming more comfortable letting himself be seen.

It was empowering for him, but it also had an impact on the men around him. There is something powerful about watching another man stop hiding pieces of himself. It gives everyone else a little more permission to do the same.

I love the way Kris shows up today. He is still that gentle giant, but there is much more confidence behind it. He is vulnerable when the moment calls for it, willing to speak honestly, and increasingly comfortable just being himself.

He shared this in our group chat recently, and I thought it was worth passing along.

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Kris:

How weird it is that different people can know completely different versions of you.

Some people know who you are now.

Some know who you were 10 years ago.

Some remember you from a really shitty chapter.

Some knew you when you were angry, lost, selfish, immature, broken down, making bad decisions… whatever version of you existed at that time.

And here’s the part I’m getting:

You don’t get to control which version of you someone remembers.

Maybe you hurt them.

Maybe they saw you at your worst.

Maybe you’ve changed a hell of a lot since then and they have absolutely no idea.

That’s okay.

I used to feel like I needed to explain myself. Like I needed people to understand that I’m not that same guy anymore.

But at some point, you have to stop trying to convince everyone.

Own your shit.

Own the mistakes.

Own the people you may have hurt.

Learn from it.

Then live differently.

Not for a week.

Not because you want someone to notice.

Not because you need forgiveness or validation.

Just keep showing up differently until the new version of you isn’t something you have to explain anymore.

The people in your life now will know you by how you treat them.

And the people who still remember an older version of you?

Let them.

They’re allowed to.

You don’t need to rewrite the past. You just need to stop repeating it.

And fuck… I think there’s a lot of freedom in that.

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What Kris wrote hit on something I think a lot of us run into when we start making real changes in our lives.

Not everybody is going to see the change immediately. Some people may never see it at all. They may continue relating to the version of you they knew five or ten years ago because that is the version that exists in their experience of you.

And sometimes people won’t necessarily want you to change.

That doesn’t always come from a bad place. Relationships develop patterns. We learn who people are, how they behave, what role they play, and eventually that familiarity becomes comfortable. When one person starts changing, it can shift the entire dynamic. Your growth can unintentionally ask the people around you to look at themselves too, and not everybody is going to be ready or interested in doing that.

We are creatures of comfort. Familiarity feels safe, even when what is familiar isn't necessarily healthy.

I think Kris exposed the important part: “you don't have to convince anyone.”

You don't have to run around explaining that you've changed. And you most definitily can’t erase what happened in the past or demand that people update their opinion of you. If there are things you regret, own them. If you've hurt people, take responsibility for that. Then let the way you live now speak for itself.

Real change becomes difficult to argue with when it is lived consistently over time.

And the people who are meant to know who you are becoming will get to experience that version of you firsthand.

Thanks for the insight, Kris.

Keep being you.

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