The Cheat Code to Real Change

Every January it happens.

Men set new goals and make new resolutions for the year with best of intentions.

They want to earn more money, show up differently with their family, or lose that extra 15lbs they are carrying around. Motivation is high, the plan is in place, and they believe it's going to be different this year.

And then slowly, like a groundhog's day, it isn't. Resolutions don't fail dramatically, it's a slow burn over time. And by February, things seem suspiciously similar to last year. We often justify the failed resolutions as a lack of discipline or terrible planning that didn't get us to our goal, but that explanation is never truly satisfying.

You have to look deeper into it and the truth is can be uncomfortable.

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Why Your Goals Get In The Way Of Change

It's not that you don't want it badly enough.

Most people these days all know something in their live needs to change. They’ve known for years. They've read the books, listed to endless podcasts, and I’m sure even binge watched youtube videos for all the answers. They know how to set goals and take action.

What's behind the lack of success is below the surface.

You're trying to build a new life while viewing yourself through the lens of an old identity. The goals are new, but the story of who you are isn't. When there’s a mismatch, the old story wins every time in the long run.

The perfect example is the lottery winner that hits the jack pot by taking home the millions, but some how always ends up losing it and going right back to the same spot they started. Why?

They never saw themselves as a millionaire, their internal story didn’t match the external reality.

It's this gap between who you want to be and who you believe you are that keeps your resolutions repeating, and quietly falling by the wayside.

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"We don't see the world as it is, we see it as we are,"

-Anaïs Nin

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The Job Of The Unconscious Mind

When you change, your unconscious mind doesn't immediately support you. It assesses for danger and the unfamiliar doesn't signal excitement, it screams danger.

It looks for a way to restore the known. The path it knows best. Comfort at all cost.

It doesn’t call this fear. It calls it logic.

And things might be going great at first, but all of a sudden you're tired when you had the motivation yesterday. It seems like a bad time take this on. You need to come up with a better plan before you move forward. It all sounds reasonable, but it’s protecting an identity that once kept you safe. Not because it was good/bad, but because it was familiar.

And this is why momentum dies shortly after it begins.

You clean up your life. You stack wins. You build momentum. And before you know it, out of nowhere, you ease it back. You push it back a day. You make it harder where it doesn’t need to be. You slow yourself down just enough to get back on familiar ground.

It's then that we fall into the laziness trap. We think it’s a lack of discipline.

It’s not.

It’s your old identity. You’re moving forward with your goals but your perception of self hasn’t changed and when that’s not aligned, the unconscious mind always opts for consistency over growth.

Your mind isn’t asking “Is this better for me?”

It’s asking “Does this match who I believe I am?”

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When Identity Changes Momentum Shifts

When identity shifts, discipline isn't a struggle anymore.

You don't have to force feed yourself to act upon what you believe is right when it's aligned with who you truly believe yourself to be.

Imagine for a moment that we could drop the identity of an Olympic sprinter into an over weight person, what would happen?

That person would most likely look in the mirror and say “what the f*** is going on, this isn’t me”. Now is he going to lose all the weight right away just because his mind set shifted? No, its going to take time, but he’ll do the little things that need to be done everyday to make the change.

Eat right, train hard consistently, recover and do it all over again tomorrow. He doesn’t believe internally he’s that fat over weight person, so his actions match his new identity.

I know this example might seem a bit superficial and obvious, but that’s the point.

Who do you need to become?

Understanding this concept beyond an intellectual level and embodying it a nervous system level is where you see results. It’s not going to make life easier, but your actions will become more aligned with yourself belief you carry inside.

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As Neville Goddard said:

“You do not attract what you want. You attract what you are.”

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When the internal story shifts, behavior comes naturally.

Identity change isn’t complete because you wrote something down on January 1st. Identity shifts through small internal movements, cumulative actions that support the new narrative.

Motivation can only get you so far. It’s about updating the model your unconscious mind uses to predict who you are and this process is quietly happening in the background of your life all the time.

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Start By Exposing The Loop

The first step is honest exposure.

Ask yourself: “What keeps happening in my life that I say I don’t want but ultimately allow?”

It’s not one-off occurrences that get you heading down the wrong path; it's patterns. Overworking, undercharging clients, avoiding difficult conversations, relationships strained.

Ask yourself then: “Who do I have to believe I am for this behavior to make sense?”

It doesn’t feel good looking at yourself in the mirror sometimes, but it has to be done. You can’t change an old story you refuse to look at.

And it is usually old traumas that are keeping us stuck in old ways of being.

Identity doesn’t shift through giant moves. It shifts through small consistent out-of-character actions and being able to honestly look at yourself.

Say no without over explaining.

Up your rate you charge and let the awkward silence hang.

Publish something before it's perfect.

Tip double the amount you normally would, that new abundant you would.

Each one of these moments puts pressure on the old self-image in a way thinking never can.

It should feel uncomfortable. That’s your signal you are touching the edges of the old identity.

Most people retreat here, but it’s where change happens if they don’t run away from it.

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Stop Seeking Evidence, Start Being Evidence

Your brain doesn’t update when you tell it something new; it updates when you show it something new.

Select one manageable identity statement for the week; something outside your comfort zone. Something small yet related which provides proof and documentation over time. Observe it as an external affront but for your own nervous system as a tangible form of evidence that it can no longer deny.

Over time, the old story gets log jammed and the new story gets enough traffic to be familiar.

That’s identity change in action.

We aren’t stuck because our goals are bad. We are stuck because we remain loyal to an older version of ourself, the version that learned how to survive, stay safe and make things predictable.

You don’t need to turn your back on the old version, it got you here.

But if you want this year to be different and avoid the loop of failed goals.

You can’t let the old you take the wheel.

Identity first; strategy second.

When they align, change stops being a struggle and starts being inevitable.

Who are you stepping into?

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