15 Retreats Later, I'm Still Learning

Yesterday, we wrapped up our 15th Balanced Man Retreat here in Nosara, Costa Rica, and I have to say, this was a special one.

We had an incredible group of men, ranging in age from 27 to 72, each arriving with different life experiences, perspectives, and reasons for being there. What I love about bringing men together from such different backgrounds is the wisdom that emerges when everyone is willing to be open and honest. One man's experience can reveal something in another man that he may never have recognized on his own.

That's one of the things I appreciate most about these retreats. Even though Terry, Jeremy, and I help guide the experience, we're not standing on the sidelines pretending we've figured everything out. We're participating in the same work, asking ourselves the same uncomfortable questions, and learning alongside the men who have trusted us enough to show up.

After 15 retreats, I can confidently say that I still walk away from every one of them having learned something about myself.

This past week, three things stood out to me.

The Masks We Wear

One of the exercises we explored was looking at the different masks we wear in our everyday lives. Some are obvious, while others have become so familiar that we don't even realize we're wearing them anymore.

There's the Achiever, who feels he always needs to be accomplishing something to feel worthy. The Tough Guy, who rarely allows himself to show vulnerability. The Nice Guy, who keeps everyone else happy while quietly ignoring his own needs. And the Victim, who has become so accustomed to blaming external circumstances that he struggles to recognize where he still has power.

The interesting thing is that these masks aren't necessarily bad. We all play different roles depending on the environment we're in, and sometimes those roles serve a purpose. The problem begins when we become so identified with a mask that we forget there's someone underneath it.

For many of the men this week, simply recognizing these patterns was a powerful experience. They began to see how certain behaviours had become ways of protecting themselves from rejection, judgment, or the discomfort of being fully seen.

And watching men gradually become comfortable enough to let those defences down. There was no need to impress anyone or pretend to have life figured out. Just a group of men being honest about who they are and what they're working through.

That is a pretty rare environment to find yourself in.

What Are You Willing to Let Go Of?

The second lesson was about recognizing what we may need to release in order to move forward in life.

We spend so much time thinking about what we need to add to become the person we want to be. More discipline, more knowledge, better habits, or another strategy. But sometimes the thing standing in our way isn't something we're missing. It's something we're holding onto.

This one hit home for me personally.

I've realized that I have a tendency to want my hands in every part of the businesses I'm involved in. I like knowing what's happening, being involved in the decisions, and making sure things are moving in the right direction. On the surface, that can look like being responsible and committed, but underneath it, I've started recognizing a need for control.

And if I'm being honest, that need for control can become the very thing that limits growth.

If I want to build the businesses and create the life I'm working toward, I have to become more comfortable trusting other people, empowering them to make decisions, and accepting that things won't always be done exactly the way I would do them.

That's my work right now.

Other men had their own realizations about what they were holding onto, but the underlying lesson was similar. Sometimes stepping into the next version of ourselves requires being willing to release something that has felt familiar or safe for a very long time.

Finding Your Tribe

The third takeaway was the power of genuine brotherhood.

As we get older, it becomes increasingly difficult to develop meaningful friendships with other men. When we're younger, those connections often happen naturally through school, university, or sports. But as life fills up with careers, families, and responsibilities, those opportunities become less frequent.

Several men shared that they had started to feel like lone wolves in their everyday lives. They had friends and people around them, but very few men they could have genuinely open conversations with or who shared their interest in personal growth.

What happened over the course of the week was pretty incredible.

Through the men's circles, boxing, jiu-jitsu, the open-water swim, and hiking to the waterfall, these guys began building a level of trust that would normally take months or even years to develop. They challenged each other physically, supported each other emotionally, and gradually became comfortable showing up without the usual armour.

By the end of the week, they weren't simply a group of men who had attended the same retreat. They had developed friendships built on honesty, shared experiences, and mutual respect.

There's something powerful about knowing you have another man you can call when life gets difficult, someone who understands you beyond the usual surface-level conversations. You might not speak for a couple of months, but when you reconnect, you can pick up right where you left off.

I think a lot of men are missing that kind of connection in their lives, often without realizing how much they need it.

The Work Never Really Ends

This group reminded me how much wisdom exists when men are willing to put their egos aside and genuinely learn from one another. At 27 or 72, we all have something to teach, and we all have something left to learn.

I'm incredibly grateful to the men who joined us this week, for the trust they placed in us, the honesty they brought to the group, and the friendships that were created.

Fifteen retreats later, I'm still learning, still growing, and discovering new depths of who I am and what's possible in my life.

And I wouldn't have it any other way.

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