What Are You Really Chasing?

Imagine a man who's spent the last twenty years building a successful business. He's worked incredibly hard, sacrificed time with his family, taken risks, and pushed himself through some pretty difficult years.

And through all of it, he's had this idea in the back of his mind that once he reaches a certain level of success, life will finally be different. He'll have more freedom, less stress, and the ability to slow down and actually enjoy everything he's worked so hard to create.

Does any of this sound familiar?

Maybe you're not building a business, but I'd be willing to bet there's something in your life you've attached a similar promise to. Something you're convinced will finally allow you to feel the way you've been wanting to feel.

Now imagine that man finally reaches his goal. The business is successful, the money is there, and from the outside, he's achieved everything he set out to accomplish.

But he still struggles to switch off. He's still worried about what might go wrong, still chasing the next milestone, and still telling himself he'll relax once he gets a few more things sorted out.

He spent twenty years chasing freedom, only to realize he'd never really learned how to feel free.

And I think there's something in that story worth examining, because most of us aren't actually chasing the things we think we're chasing. We're chasing the feelings we believe those things will give us.

The Feeling Behind the Goal

I want to be clear about something. There's absolutely nothing wrong with having big ambitions, building a successful business, or pursuing something that challenges you to become better. I'm a huge believer in setting goals, pushing ourselves, and going after what we want with everything we've got.

But I think there's a question we rarely stop to consider.

What is the feeling we're actually hoping to experience when we achieve that goal?

Take our businessman. He believes financial success will give him freedom. But what does freedom actually mean to him? Maybe it's waking up without anxiety about work or spending an afternoon with his family without feeling guilty that he isn't being productive.

Those are experiences he's hoping to have in the future, once his circumstances finally allow them.

And this is where we get ourselves into trouble. We become so convinced that the external achievement is responsible for creating the internal feeling that we forget to explore whether some of that experience is already available to us.

Are You Postponing Your Own Happiness?

I've certainly caught myself doing this, particularly coming from a background in competitive sports and business, where there's always another goal to pursue.

The danger is that we start making how we feel conditional on what happens outside of us. We tell ourselves we'll relax when the business reaches a certain level, but when we get there, the goalposts move. Suddenly there's another level to reach before we've earned the right to enjoy ourselves.

Before you know it, you've spent years postponing the very experience you were working so hard to create.

Now, I'm not suggesting that our circumstances don't matter. Of course they do. Financial pressure is real, responsibilities are real, and some situations genuinely need to change.

But there's a difference between improving your circumstances and believing you cannot experience peace, freedom, or fulfillment until those circumstances are exactly the way you want them.

That belief can keep us chasing indefinitely.

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“When you stop needing the outside world to change before you can feel good within yourself, you begin to experience a different kind of freedom.”

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Can You Feel It Before You Achieve It?

Here's where I think this gets interesting.

What if you started practicing the feeling you're chasing before you achieved the goal you've attached it to?

And I don't just mean thinking about it. I mean actually learning to experience that feeling in your body.

Try making this part of your morning practice before you start your day.

First, identify the feeling you're chasing. Maybe it's freedom, peace, confidence, or a sense of being enough. Think back to a moment when you genuinely experienced that feeling, even briefly.

Close your eyes and bring yourself back to that moment. Notice what happens in your body as you reconnect with the experience. Does your breathing slow down? Do your shoulders relax? Does your chest feel more open?

Rather than analyzing it, allow yourself to experience it for a minute or two.

Then comes the interesting part.

How long can you carry that feeling into your day?

Instead of allowing your phone, your inbox, or the traffic on your way to work to immediately dictate your internal state, begin taking some responsibility for how you show up.

If you really want to practice this, set a few alarms on your phone throughout the day. When one goes off, take a moment to check in with yourself. What's your internal state right now? Are you tense, distracted, frustrated, or caught up in the next thing you need to accomplish?

Can you reconnect with that feeling you practiced in the morning, even while sitting at your desk or stuck in traffic?

This isn't about pretending you're happy when you're not, or forcing yourself to feel something that isn't there. It's about becoming aware of your internal experience and recognizing that you may have more influence over it than you've been giving yourself credit for.

Like anything else, this takes practice. But the more familiar you become with experiencing these feelings, the easier it can become to access them throughout your day, rather than waiting for the outside world to give you permission.

Chase the Goal, But Don't Depend on It

Imagine approaching your goals from that place.

You still want to build the business, create financial freedom, and challenge yourself to achieve something extraordinary. But you're no longer depending entirely on the outcome to give you permission to feel good about your life.

As you become more comfortable experiencing those feelings now, you may begin loosening your emotional attachment to the outcome. You can pursue what you want with the same intensity, but without carrying the same tension and desperation around needing everything to work out a certain way.

That doesn't mean you stop caring about the result. It means the result no longer has to determine how you feel about yourself.

And to me, this is what true self-awareness begins to look like. Not simply understanding your thoughts and emotions, but developing the ability to recognize your internal state and consciously influence how you experience life.

Becoming the master of your inner world isn't about faking a feeling or controlling every emotion. It's about learning to genuinely experience more of the feelings you value, regardless of whether you've reached the destination you're chasing.

I think that's one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves.

Go after what you want with everything you've got, but don't postpone the experience of being alive until you get there. You can still have extraordinary goals and work toward them with everything you have, while learning to enjoy more of the life you're living right now.