What Is a Men's Retreat, Really?

As we're getting ready to kick off our October retreat here in Costa Rica, I've been reflecting on a question that seems simple on the surface, but the more I think about it, the more interesting it becomes.

What actually is a men's retreat?

I think if you asked ten different men that question, you'd probably get ten different answers. Some might imagine a group of guys sitting around talking about their feelings, while others might picture something more physical, with challenges designed to push men outside their comfort zones. And for someone who has never attended one, there's probably a fair amount of uncertainty about what they're actually signing up for.

The interesting thing is, even after years of creating and facilitating these experiences, I don't think there's one definitive answer.

We have a method that guides the week, a carefully designed curriculum, and experiences that serve a specific purpose. But what a man takes away from those seven days will depend largely on where he is in his life, how fully he chooses to participate, and his willingness to face himself.

That's something I genuinely love about this work.

I also have a tremendous amount of respect for the men who decide to come, especially those who have never attended a retreat before. They're stepping away from their families, businesses, and daily responsibilities to travel to another country and participate in something they can't fully understand until they experience it. We can explain the schedule, answer their questions, and show them what the week looks like, but those things only scratch the surface.

There's a certain amount of courage required to step into the unknown, and I don't think we acknowledge that enough.

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“The unexamined life is not worth living.”

— Socrates

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Stepping Outside Your Life to Actually See It

For me, the first layer of a men's retreat is simply giving yourself permission to step away.

Most of us are so immersed in our daily routines that we rarely get enough distance to see what's actually happening in our lives. We're constantly responding to responsibilities, managing relationships, making decisions, and moving from one thing to the next. Even when we have some downtime, our minds are usually occupied with whatever needs our attention tomorrow.

It's difficult to see the patterns running your life when you're completely immersed in them.

That's why the environment matters so much. Coming to Costa Rica, disconnecting from your normal routine, spending time in nature, and being around a different group of people creates an opportunity to see things from another perspective.

And once that space opens up, you can begin asking questions that deserve more than a quick answer.

Am I actually living the life I want to live? Am I making decisions that reflect what's important to me, or am I simply repeating patterns I've become comfortable with?

These aren't questions you can necessarily answer on the spot. They require time, honest reflection, and an environment where you can step away from the usual distractions and expectations of everyday life. Sometimes it takes several days of slowing down and allowing things to surface before you begin to recognize what's really going on beneath the surface.

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“I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by a conscious endeavor.”

— Henry David Thoreau

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Finding the Balance Within Ourselves

The next layer is something that might challenge how some men think about masculinity.

I believe many of us have spent most of our lives developing the qualities traditionally associated with masculine energy. We've learned to compete, achieve, provide, protect, solve problems, and push through difficult situations. Those qualities can serve us incredibly well, and I certainly wouldn't want to lose them.

But there's another side of ourselves that many men haven't spent nearly as much time developing.

You might call it feminine energy, although I'm not talking about acting feminine or becoming less masculine. I'm talking about qualities that exist in all of us, regardless of gender, such as emotional openness, intuition, receptivity, flexibility, compassion, and the ability to be fully present without needing to control the outcome.

For someone like me, who spent much of his life in competitive sports and business, learning to access those qualities has been an important part of my own growth.

There is something incredibly powerful about a man who can be strong and decisive when the situation calls for it, but who can also sit with his emotions, listen without trying to solve everything, and express what he's genuinely feeling.

I think that's where balance begins to develop.

During the retreat, we create opportunities for men to experience both sides. We push or edges physically through boxing, jiu-jitsu, ocean swims, and adventures in nature, while also creating space for stillness, honest conversations, and deeper self-reflection.

The goal isn't to become one or the other. It's to develop the awareness to recognize what a situation calls for and have the ability to respond from a more complete place.

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The Power of Men Growing Together

The final layer, and one I continue to appreciate more with every retreat, is brotherhood.

There's an old saying that iron sharpens iron, and there's a lot of truth in that. When you bring together a group of men who genuinely want to grow and feel safe, something interesting happens. The usual competition begins to fade, and men start recognizing how much they can learn from each other.

This is particularly meaningful for me because I grew up in environments where other men were often my competition. Someone was trying to take your position, beat you, or achieve the same thing you were working toward.

At the retreat, we're creating something very different.

Nobody is there to outperform the man beside him. The facilitators aren't standing above everyone pretending we have life figured out either. We're participating in the same work, facing our own shit, and learning alongside the men who have trusted us enough to show up.

Everybody is equal, and everybody has something to contribute.

When one man finds the courage to speak honestly about something he's been carrying, it often gives another man permission to do the same. When you go through challenging experiences together, trust begins to develop in a way that's difficult to manufacture through conversation alone.

And over the course of the week, that group of strangers begins to feel like a brotherhood.

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So What Is a Men's Retreat?

For me, it's an opportunity to step outside your normal life long enough to see it more clearly. It's a chance to reconnect with parts of yourself that may have been neglected, explore what balance actually means in your own life, and experience the kind of connection with other men that many of us haven't had since we were younger.

But that's my perspective, shaped by my own experiences and what I've learned through this work.

The men arriving this week will each have their own reasons for being here. Some will discover things they weren't expecting, others may find clarity around something they've been carrying for years, and a few might simply reconnect with a part of themselves they haven't felt in a long time.

And that's the beauty of it. We can create the environment, guide the process, and support each other along the way, but ultimately every man has to walk his own path.

As we prepare to welcome another group of men this week, I'm reminded how fortunate we are to be part of that journey. I'm looking forward to seeing what unfolds, what these men discover, and what I'll undoubtedly learn about myself along the way.

Because the most meaningful part of a men's retreat isn't necessarily what happens during the week. It's what a man discovers about himself and chooses to carry back into his life.

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