Is This a Safe Space?

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Quick note before we dive in:

Our February 28th to March 6th retreat is coming up, and we’ve got a few spots left. If you are curious what it would feel like to experience this work in person, you can find the details by Clicking Here.

Alright, let’s get into it.

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Men have been asking the same question a lot on our clarity calls lately.

“Is The Balanced Man retreat a safe space?”

They ask it tentatively. Sometimes with a laugh. Sometimes with a bit of hesitation.

They’re not being dramatic. Most of them have never been to a men’s retreat before. They’re stepping into uncharted waters. And they want to know if they’re going to be safe.

But what they're really asking is:

Am I going to be okay here?

Am I going to fit in?

Am I going to be judged?

Am I going to be pushed too far?

Am I going to lose my shit?

And it’s a fair question, and an honest inquiry.

Yet when we started to hear it more and more, it made me pause and really think about what men were asking for. And more importantly, what they thought they needed.

Is it really another safe space that they are looking for?

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What Is A Safe Space Anyway?

When most people use the term safe space, they mean something specific.

Safe means comfortable. Safe means predictable. Safe means secure. Safe means being in control of what happens next.

A safe space is one where nothing unexpected can touch the vulnerable parts of you. Nothing challenges the story you’ve come to believe. Nothing asks you to give any more than you feel ready to give.

And there’s nothing wrong with wanting that.

But the simple answer is:

No, this retreat was not created to be a safe space.

It was created to be a supportive space.

And those things are very different.

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“A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.”

—John A. Shedd

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Why This Was Never About Safety

We ask men to step out of their normal daily lives and routines.We ask them to leave the comfort of home behind.We ask them to leave behind the role he usually plays in his family and at work.We ask him to leave behind all the distracting habits he cultivated over the years.And we asked him to travel to a foreign country, one that most men have never been to before.

Not because travelling here is part of the experience, but because you can’t see the patterns running your life when you are walking within them every day of your life. When you are locked into the same commitments, the same routine, the same roles, the same noise on in your head, it’s hard to spot your triggers. You are so deeply ingrained in it that it becomes the air you breathe.

Getting away from all that doesn’t always feel safe; you’re leaving your comfort zone.

But it can help create clarity, and clarity is the doorway to growth.

This retreat is not about getting you comfortable again. This retreat is about getting you clear on what has been running your life all along without your explicit permission.

And yes, that can sometimes feel a bit unsettling.

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What Support Looks Like

So what does support actually look like in this container?

Well, if you step into the gym with Terry and you’ve never boxed before, it’s probably not going to feel like a safe space at first. Your heart rate bumps up. Your coordination feels off. And you realize just how far over the edge of your skillset you actually are.

But it’s a supportive space.

You’re guided and coached along the way. You are watched. You are encouraged (and sometimes pulled back) when you need it most and challenged as you are able to cope. No one is there to humiliate you. Everyone is here to help you meet yourself on honest terms.

If you’ve never done breathwork with Jeremy before, the first session can be intense. It can even be overwhelming. Old emotions can resurface, and energy can move through you in the breath like never before. It may not always feel safe.

But at no stage do you face it alone.

You are guided throughout, grounded afterward, and supported every step of the way, whatever comes up for you.

The same is true when you sit in the men’s circle for the first time.

Sitting in circle can be uncomfortable initially. Emotions and feelings you’ve spent years suppressing may come up. Speaking honestly may feel scary without any script and the armour removed. Laying your heart out on the table may not feel safe.

It may feel vulnerable.

It may feel like you are fully exposed.

It may even feel like you’re standing on the edge of a deep, dark hole, trying to decide whether or not to step forward one last time.

But there is a difference.

Whatever comes up for you, you're supported. A group of men walking the same path as you.
Holding the space. Being present. Not trying to fix you or telling you it’s going to be okay. Not trying to rush you past something difficult. Not talking you out of your experience but simply being there with you in all its messiness. That is support.

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The Real Difference

Support is knowing when you are terrified out of your mind, walking through fear, anger, grief, or truth, knowing that you will not be abandoned.

Support is knowing that when you stumble along the way, someone will be there to help you get back up when you are ready.

Support does NOT remove the edge or do the work for you.

It simply holds the mirror that you have been avoiding.

Growth does not happen in safety, that is, where we live most of the time. Growth happens when we step forward into discomfort, fear and the unknown. And support is knowing we are not doing it alone anymore.

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Why This Matters Long After The Retreat

We did not create this retreat for your safety from discomfort.

We created this retreat for you to trust yourself inside it.

And when you know you have brothers who will stand by your side, not just during the retreat but long after we part ways, it transforms how you walk through life moving forward.

You stop needing everything around you to feel safe.

You start feeling supported from the inside out, and that’s a different kind of power.

So no, this isn’t a safe space.

And it was never intended to be one.

But I can promise this:

You will be supported.

You will be challenged.

You will be seen.

And you will leave knowing that you are not alone anymore.

I’ll take support over safety any day.

Because knowing that you have that internal power within, and brothers standing next to you, no matter what life throws at you, makes you pretty unfuckable with.

-Ahren

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