The Inner Rhythm That Shapes Your Life

For years, I thought that life was happening to me.

Deadlines. Expectations. Targets to hit.

I was so focused on doing more, training harder, working longer.

Everything felt overwhelming, sharp, and slightly out of control, as if there was an expiration date for life and everything had to be done tomorrow. It took me a while to realize I was running in this mode, but when it finally dawned on me what I was doing, my life started to shift.

I could see life wasn’t chaotic because the external world was chaotic.

It felt chaotic because my internal world was.

That was the insight that allowed me to view life differently.

The rhythm of our relationships, the quality of our choices, the tension you carry and even how tired you feel at the end of the day are all influenced by one thing. Your internal rhythm. Not how busy your calendar is. Not how driven you are towards your goals. Not even the unforeseen moments that show up in your life.

Your internal tempo sets the pace; life simply follows your lead and dances to it with you.

‍

The External World Is Not Running You, It’s Mirroring You

Most people feel like life is overwhelming because there’s just too much to handle. Too many responsibilities. Too many expectations that need to be dealt with yesterday.

Yet, if you take a moment to slow down and really look at it, there is a deeper insight here. Your external world mirrors your internal world.

When you feel rushed inside, everything feels urgent, even things that usually don’t really matter. When you feel anxious inside, ordinary situations now feel like they are life or death. When you feel distracted inside, and your mind is racing, those opportunities you’ve been waiting for seem to slip through your fingertips.

But when you take a moment to pause and really feel grounded inside, even life’s unexpected twists seem manageable.

This is not philosophy, it’s physiology.

Your nervous system regulates how you experience the world around you. If it’s constantly bracing for impact or if you’re always concerned about something, everything feels jagged and demanding. If your nervous system is balanced, life feels spacious, even when it’s full.

Remember, the world is not your enemy. It’s a reflection of whatever station your inner world is tuned to.

There have been seasons in my life where I felt off, even though nothing was off in my external world. Everything was fine, but I felt behind, impatient and reactive. Conversations felt edgy. Decisions felt like high-stakes. Even small disruptions made me annoyed.

At the time, I thought it was due to my workload and told myself I would feel better once this project was done.

Looking back now, none of that was true.

It was never about what was happening outside of me, but me moving at a pace faster than my own flow. Mentally and emotionally, I was always a step ahead of myself. The voice in my head whispering, “Do more. Once you complete this, you can relax.” But I eventually realized this wasn’t the case. There is always the next thing; it never stops.

‍

“Your life expands and contracts in direct proportion to your willingness to be present with it.”

— David Whyte

‍

Why Most Men Are Out Of Touch With Their Natural Rhythm

Very few of us are living at a pace we consciously chose for ourselves.

Most of us inherited it from the environment we exist in.

We learned it in families where stress was the norm and stillness was judged as being lazy. In school, urgency was rewarded over presence. In workplaces where our output has a direct bearing on our self-worth and level on the corporate ladder.

And slowly but surely, speed becomes familiar, the norm. Being busy looks responsible, a badge of honour to prove you are important. An excuse to let the little things in life slide, “Sorry, I can’t make Jimmy’s game, I’m too busy”.

Slowing down felt dangerous or lazy.

So we build lives that look successful on the outside while slowly experiencing an internal feeling of constantly running against our own nature.

And when you are constantly out running your body with your mind, eventually your body catches up with you and pays the price for it. You find yourself tired, unfocused and irritated by the smallest of things. Life becomes something you manage for a state of peace in the future, instead of engaging in the present.

And when you get into this spot and have never paused long enough to ask yourself one simple question:

“Is this truly my rhythm or just the one I learned to survive in?”

‍

Lead From The Inside Out

Change is not about changing your external world or forcing the world around you to show up differently.

All of that can change as soon as you become aware of your internal tempo first.

When you reclaim your internal rhythm, relationships soften because you're no longer bracing for impact. Your decisions become easier as you're no longer saying yes out of obligation, but choosing from clarity. You're no longer stuck in survival mode, and stress stops running your life.

It doesn’t mean that life stops coming at you; it just makes it feel more aligned and in flow.

You start responding instead of reacting to life. You start moving with intention instead of rushing from one thing to another. You’re no longer living in the future, but actually present in this moment here.

This is what leadership really looks like. And when I say leadership, I mean self-leadership, because until you can truly lead yourself internally, it’s very difficult to lead others authentically.

‍

Finding Your Own Rhythm

Now this is not about fixing your life, but learning to listen to your life.

Catch yourself if you start saying, “That would be nice, I just need to do too much”. And to be clear, this isn’t about doing less, or chilling out in a hammock all day

It’s about slowing down your pace by tuning into your actual pace, and not the pace you think you need to be moving at.

Observe how quickly (or slowly) you talk, eat, walk, or engage with other people and respond to things happening in your external world. Become aware of just how uncomfortable silence is and how quickly you scramble for words after somebody texts you, and you feel rushed to reply.

Just by noticing all these things, they begin to naturally adjust without effort from your side.

Create one small moment every day where there is no external input or activity but just you breathing, walking slowly, or even just being with yourself in silence. Let your body teach you instead, start noticing the speed of your breath, the tension in your jaw or shoulders, as insights into where you are at.

Before reacting to something in your external world, take a moment and ask yourself one simple question: What would I choose if I wasn’t rushing right now?

This question alone will unlock more than most strategies ever will.

And finally, spend time reflecting instead of judging, because this is where your rhythm is waiting for you, instead of inventing it from scratch.

Your external world is not random; it’s just mirroring back to you the internal rhythm you are currently living by.

When that changes, everything else changes as well. Your energy levels. Your clarity. Your relationships. The way you show up in your own life.

You don’t need the world to change its pace.

You just need to slow your internal rhythm down.

And that’s when life finally stops being a task to complete and becomes more of a state of being.

-Ahren

‍